Could it be

I'm starting to think maybe it's me.......not me as in me, but me as in always going after or doing the same thing..... I keep doing what I've always done and I continue to keep getting what I've always gotten... This can't be life, and I can't continue like this. Something has got to change starting today, time to step out of my comfort zone. And it's also time for me to stop looking. The right one will come.... When the time is right. Good night....  Peace and 💜

Thought for today!

Happy

Today was overall a good day for me, I missed class, lol umm, took my older brother to the doctor to hear he is progressing at a wonderful pace. My son had off from school due to the snow, I got to lounge around all day and do nothing! Me, my son, and an old friend went out on a lunch/dinner date. I love catching up with people I've been friends with for a long time. We are all growing older each day, have children and families, jobs, so we can't hang out all the time like we used to. So we usually catch up over food, what better than a good meal and good conversation. It felt good to talk to her though, had something's I needed to vent about, and she listened, and that's all I wanted. I ended my night watching a movie with my younger bigger brother. Today was a lazy day, but it was a good day. Finally no stress, drama, or chaos. Hopefully I didn't speak to soon :-) I'm going to bed because I'm in a great mood, and I want to go to bed this way. So no writing about anything in the past today, I'm just living in the moment for now. Good night, sweet dreams..... I love you!

Thought of the night!

I'm back!

It has been so long since I have posted anything, so many things have happened in my life since 2012 is crazy! But since I will be posting more often, I will have time to tell you all about what goes on in this crazy life of mine. I am now 26 (obviously) a little bit wiser, maybe still a bit naive when it comes to certain things, but I have learned so much! It is now 11:30 at night, so I won't post anything long and crazy, I just wanted to say I'm back. I will be blogging weekly (hopefully I keep up this time) and getting things off my chest. A couple things I would like to address since the last time I wrote anything, number one, me and my mothers relationship has gotten a lot better. Maybe because I finally took my fathers advice. I've learned how to deal with people (her) and I'm really not so sensitive anymore. It's kind of like I have it is what it is attitude. When it's good it's good, and when it's not I stay away. I talk to her daily, she has gotten to witness a bit of what I went through with relationships etc.... So I think that may have helped a bit as well. Or maybe it's just the simple fact that I am getting older and the phase is over. You know, that weird mother daughter rival phase. Well I'm hoping things just continue to go up from here. Next thing I want to address is the fact that I'm still single! Well sort of.... Ok well technically I'm not, but I feel like I am. In my mind. Ugh! If only things could be simple... But then that wouldn't be my life. I will definitely get into what's been going on in my "love" life before the week is out. But this past year has been a big eye opener for me, I've lost friends who, I've learned I can't trust anyone, Gotten closer with my family, and have become more focused on being successful than I have ever been. I have gone through so much, but learned a lot, and the is the reason why I still smile. It could be so much worse. Well I'm going to bed goodnight world...... I love you 

Loyalty in friendship

Well it's been a couple Of days since I have posted anything. In these last few days I have had people come I me asking for advice on what thy should do about certain "friends" they have. It seems as though the talk I had with my father the other day has helped me give advice on what others can. With their relationships with their friends. As far as accepting relationships for what they really are, and not expecting to much from people So that you are not disappointed. I have a friend who just found out one of his best friends has slept with his sons mother, and got her pregnant. And hid this from him for about a year now. My friend is hurt and feels betrayed. It's hard because I can only imagine the frustration he feels, and I want to say beat him up, but in reality I know thy will never take away the hurt and betrayal he feels.
It's situations like that, that make me question loyalty in friendship. When do people not take a step back and see that they have crossed the line. Or people just not care? I feel like these kinds of things should only happen in movies, but unfortunately they don't. It's said because we walk around and call people our best friends, or even say we think of people as our family, and I know personally when I say those things I mean it. So to know that there are people that walk around saying it for fun, especially as adults, is sickening. People go crazy over things like this. My friend has no family, so his friends are like his family, and now the closest people to him have betrayed him. It just makes me question loyalty in friendship, and can we really trust everyone or jut our blood..... Or no one at all?
The contrived tree rends a healthy workload!

Acceptance

All of my life I have been the kind of person to fight to save broken relationships I've had with people. I go out of my way and go above and beyond for people to understand me. I don't like people to hate me or dislike me, I don't know if it's the libra in me or what. But this is something I have struggle with for a very long time, making myself exhausted and crazy because I want to make everything good, but in the back of my mind I know that isn't reality. Everything cant be "good" all the time, and sometimes it's not good at all. Some relationships just aren't worth saving or aren't meant to be saved.
For years I have had a not so good relationship with my mother. Every girl needs their mother, but for some reason since I was about 12 that was a relationship that went down the drain. My parents split around that time and my older brother was away in college. So it used to be just me and the little brother home. When she was working, she would work all day then come home and leave for the rest of the night. She would come in at night or more like morning, an sometimes I would have to take care of her but sometimes I got lucky and didn't have to. Some nights I had to listen to how I was a b*tch and I wasnt liked, but I always just took the verbal abuse and ignored it. I just felt like maybe one day it would stop, but of course it didn't. Then it became personal jabs even when sober, and just different treatment period. Now I am an adult, thinking that maybe that I'm older a way we can mend the relationship is by being friends, but that didn't work either. Now I just try to sit back and figure out hat happened, if it was me that did something, do I remind her of some one she hates? I'm just constantly trying to think of reasons why we don't have a mother daughter relationship like we should. We don't hug, kiss, or tell each other we love you.
I walk around as if I'm not bothered by it, but it hurts me Alot. To a point where a couple days ago I finally broke down in tears in front of my father. An he gave me great advice, not only I can use when dealing with my mom but with anyone. He said that I need to lean to accept the relationships I have with people. Whether they are goo or bad, once I learn to accept these relationships I will be able to be at peace. I get so upset because I keep trying to fix something that I know in the back of my mind won't change. Once I accept it, I'll know how to handle it, and I won't beat myself up. Be grateful for the time I was able to have with her when I was younger, because some people don't get that. If the relationship mends its self then good, but don't go around with expectations because it's a set up for disappointment. So now I am working on accepting the relationships I have with people, including my mom and my ex boyfriend(which is someone I don't want to talk about now) accepting these relationships may possibly help me a great deal.

Good night
I Love You (I figured I should start telling myself that since I don't hear it often)