Well it's been a couple Of days since I have posted anything. In these last few days I have had people come I me asking for advice on what thy should do about certain "friends" they have. It seems as though the talk I had with my father the other day has helped me give advice on what others can. With their relationships with their friends. As far as accepting relationships for what they really are, and not expecting to much from people So that you are not disappointed. I have a friend who just found out one of his best friends has slept with his sons mother, and got her pregnant. And hid this from him for about a year now. My friend is hurt and feels betrayed. It's hard because I can only imagine the frustration he feels, and I want to say beat him up, but in reality I know thy will never take away the hurt and betrayal he feels.
It's situations like that, that make me question loyalty in friendship. When do people not take a step back and see that they have crossed the line. Or people just not care? I feel like these kinds of things should only happen in movies, but unfortunately they don't. It's said because we walk around and call people our best friends, or even say we think of people as our family, and I know personally when I say those things I mean it. So to know that there are people that walk around saying it for fun, especially as adults, is sickening. People go crazy over things like this. My friend has no family, so his friends are like his family, and now the closest people to him have betrayed him. It just makes me question loyalty in friendship, and can we really trust everyone or jut our blood..... Or no one at all?
The contrived tree rends a healthy workload!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Acceptance
All of my life I have been the kind of person to fight to save broken relationships I've had with people. I go out of my way and go above and beyond for people to understand me. I don't like people to hate me or dislike me, I don't know if it's the libra in me or what. But this is something I have struggle with for a very long time, making myself exhausted and crazy because I want to make everything good, but in the back of my mind I know that isn't reality. Everything cant be "good" all the time, and sometimes it's not good at all. Some relationships just aren't worth saving or aren't meant to be saved.
For years I have had a not so good relationship with my mother. Every girl needs their mother, but for some reason since I was about 12 that was a relationship that went down the drain. My parents split around that time and my older brother was away in college. So it used to be just me and the little brother home. When she was working, she would work all day then come home and leave for the rest of the night. She would come in at night or more like morning, an sometimes I would have to take care of her but sometimes I got lucky and didn't have to. Some nights I had to listen to how I was a b*tch and I wasnt liked, but I always just took the verbal abuse and ignored it. I just felt like maybe one day it would stop, but of course it didn't. Then it became personal jabs even when sober, and just different treatment period. Now I am an adult, thinking that maybe that I'm older a way we can mend the relationship is by being friends, but that didn't work either. Now I just try to sit back and figure out hat happened, if it was me that did something, do I remind her of some one she hates? I'm just constantly trying to think of reasons why we don't have a mother daughter relationship like we should. We don't hug, kiss, or tell each other we love you.
I walk around as if I'm not bothered by it, but it hurts me Alot. To a point where a couple days ago I finally broke down in tears in front of my father. An he gave me great advice, not only I can use when dealing with my mom but with anyone. He said that I need to lean to accept the relationships I have with people. Whether they are goo or bad, once I learn to accept these relationships I will be able to be at peace. I get so upset because I keep trying to fix something that I know in the back of my mind won't change. Once I accept it, I'll know how to handle it, and I won't beat myself up. Be grateful for the time I was able to have with her when I was younger, because some people don't get that. If the relationship mends its self then good, but don't go around with expectations because it's a set up for disappointment. So now I am working on accepting the relationships I have with people, including my mom and my ex boyfriend(which is someone I don't want to talk about now) accepting these relationships may possibly help me a great deal.
Good night
I Love You (I figured I should start telling myself that since I don't hear it often)
For years I have had a not so good relationship with my mother. Every girl needs their mother, but for some reason since I was about 12 that was a relationship that went down the drain. My parents split around that time and my older brother was away in college. So it used to be just me and the little brother home. When she was working, she would work all day then come home and leave for the rest of the night. She would come in at night or more like morning, an sometimes I would have to take care of her but sometimes I got lucky and didn't have to. Some nights I had to listen to how I was a b*tch and I wasnt liked, but I always just took the verbal abuse and ignored it. I just felt like maybe one day it would stop, but of course it didn't. Then it became personal jabs even when sober, and just different treatment period. Now I am an adult, thinking that maybe that I'm older a way we can mend the relationship is by being friends, but that didn't work either. Now I just try to sit back and figure out hat happened, if it was me that did something, do I remind her of some one she hates? I'm just constantly trying to think of reasons why we don't have a mother daughter relationship like we should. We don't hug, kiss, or tell each other we love you.
I walk around as if I'm not bothered by it, but it hurts me Alot. To a point where a couple days ago I finally broke down in tears in front of my father. An he gave me great advice, not only I can use when dealing with my mom but with anyone. He said that I need to lean to accept the relationships I have with people. Whether they are goo or bad, once I learn to accept these relationships I will be able to be at peace. I get so upset because I keep trying to fix something that I know in the back of my mind won't change. Once I accept it, I'll know how to handle it, and I won't beat myself up. Be grateful for the time I was able to have with her when I was younger, because some people don't get that. If the relationship mends its self then good, but don't go around with expectations because it's a set up for disappointment. So now I am working on accepting the relationships I have with people, including my mom and my ex boyfriend(which is someone I don't want to talk about now) accepting these relationships may possibly help me a great deal.
Good night
I Love You (I figured I should start telling myself that since I don't hear it often)
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
No luck in love
It bugs me when guys take advantage of a good girl. Like I had said before I am far from perfect, and ill be the first to tell you that. But one thing I will say, is if I love you, I'm going to give you 110%. And as much as I say I don't expect anything, I really do. Most females do. We expect the unexpected. Kind of like, I don't expect you to bring me flowers....but I want flowers. I want someone to think outside the box, be romantic and surprise me. But it isn't something I base my relationship on. Just love me, and love me in a way I know you love me. I shouldn't have to question it.
I have been in 3 "relationships" in my life, and honestly I don't know if I would even really call them relationships. It was basically three times of me thinking I was in love and going above And beyond to prove myself. But in all reality what was I really proving? That I was someone that was easy to take advantage of, and that's exactly what happened.
The first person I was with was to young to know about commitment, and that's the person I had my child with. The second person I was with showed me a lot of different things, and also showed how sheltered and naive I was. And the third person was very different from the other two. It's to late to go into detail about each of those relationships (which I will get into another time) but I can say for each person I dealt with a lot, and I was a great girl, but one feeling I can relate with all three was alone.
Sometimes I think I will be single forever, and sometime I think all guys are alike. But when my mind is clear, I know that isn't true. I know I will eventually find someone, but I need to love myself first before someone else can love me, and maybe explore other places outside of my town. Not just for love, I'm not desperate, but just for myself. So that I'm able to focus on my life, and not the life of someone else. I can't make someone see the good in me, and I can't make someone love me it just has to happen. So I will wait.... And finally I'm ok with that :) so until tomorrow..... Sweet dreams!
I have been in 3 "relationships" in my life, and honestly I don't know if I would even really call them relationships. It was basically three times of me thinking I was in love and going above And beyond to prove myself. But in all reality what was I really proving? That I was someone that was easy to take advantage of, and that's exactly what happened.
The first person I was with was to young to know about commitment, and that's the person I had my child with. The second person I was with showed me a lot of different things, and also showed how sheltered and naive I was. And the third person was very different from the other two. It's to late to go into detail about each of those relationships (which I will get into another time) but I can say for each person I dealt with a lot, and I was a great girl, but one feeling I can relate with all three was alone.
Sometimes I think I will be single forever, and sometime I think all guys are alike. But when my mind is clear, I know that isn't true. I know I will eventually find someone, but I need to love myself first before someone else can love me, and maybe explore other places outside of my town. Not just for love, I'm not desperate, but just for myself. So that I'm able to focus on my life, and not the life of someone else. I can't make someone see the good in me, and I can't make someone love me it just has to happen. So I will wait.... And finally I'm ok with that :) so until tomorrow..... Sweet dreams!
About time!
It's crazy, I am 24 years old and I love to write. I don't like to make up stories, but I just like writing about my life. When I was a little girl I thought my life was so horribl,typical thoughts of a kid, so instead of sitting around all day or playing outside I used to sit in my room and write in my diary and listen to music. It was an escape for me. I never really had to many friends outside o school and I really couldn't talk on the phone or receive phone calls like that, so my blights and feelings all went into a journal. That's probably why I don't confide in to many people now as an adult. I have all of these emotions raging inside of me and I want to run and tell someone, sometimes everyone, but I keep it inside. At work today I had a conversation with some people at work,I do hospice care, and they sai to me that they had no idea how I could come into work so happy everyday. The only thing I said was if you knew everything I felt inside you would think I was crazy. Then went on to say how I should talk to someone or see a therapist, but the most important thing was to get the emotions out. Well that was when I came up with the brilliant idea of writing a blog. This way I am able to release any emotion I am feeling, with out feeling I'm bothering anyone(which is one of the reasons I dont confide in anyone), and if people decide to read it that's great, give feedback even better! But if someone doesn't want to hear or see it that's ok. I'm excited to start writing again, it may take me some time to get back in the groove of consistantly writing.... But the way I have been feeling lately I highly doubt that. In my short 24 years here on this earth, I have been through some things, and it seems some of them I can't let go of. Maybe sharing my life with others will help me out. I'm not an angel, but I'm not a bad girl either. I'm just someone who has a hard time accepting some things in life. I'm a single mother, hard worker, and someone who's jut ready for a family. They say I have an old soul, and I think thy are right. Well this is the start to a new beginning. Stay tuned in for more posts from me. Feel free to ask any questions or give advice. Well I'll be back later!!!!
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