I'm back.... Again

So I am back.... Again.... For real this time. I have been a ball of emotions lately, and sometimes I don't want to tell people everything. So I've come to the conclusion, I need to start writing again. I have this blog and it never gets used! I'm going out next week to buy a journal as well. I've been having so many ups and downs, writing it all down on paper, or in this case the computer, will help ease my mind. That way I'm not lashing out on public forums such as Facebook, then deleting statuses because I know I shouldn't have my business up there like that. Soooo it is now August of 2015, and so much has changed since the last time I was on here. I now have a baby, of my own, that will be 8 months on the 19th! It's so crazy. Never in a million years would I have thought I would have a baby and starting all over. I'm a little upset with myself for being careless and getting pregnant, but the joy my son has brought to my life, I could care less. He has fought so hard to be here. He's my little trooper. And he's such a happy baby! He makes it that much easier. 

I just talked to Chanelle the other day and she said that Khalil's grandfather has been talking to Jae again and visiting with them. I haven't heard from he grandfather in a while. Spoke to him about 2 weeks ago. I try not to bother him. I just send pictures, if he wants to continue to be apart of Khalil's life, I would never get in between that. It's bad enough Jae wants nothing to do with baby. He's such a coward. I still can't believe he's acting ge way he is. He may have not wanted me to have the baby, I wasn't ready for a baby either. I'm already a single mom, and a full time student. While he turns his back, I'm taking care of OUR responsibility. He am truly makes me sick to my stomach. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice, it takes everything in me someone's not to go over there and spit on him. I know it sounds harsh, but my baby has been through a lot, and still goes to doc appts, has choking episodes, etc. But it's nothing I can't handle. I think what pisses me off the most about Jae is the fact that when I found out I was pregnant, we never had any conversation, we were supposed to get together and talk and it never happened. He was supposed to call and talk and it never happened. The night I got pregnant I kept tellin Jae I didn't want to fuck with him anymore. I told him that that was our last time. But according to him it wasn't. And now I'm the blame for me getting pregnant? So now he goes around lying instead of being a man and saying "hey the pussy was way to good to pull out of" and accept responsibility. The fact that he is trying to say I lied about being on birth control drives me nuts. He knows that's a lie, and now he's making the situation worse than it has to be. 

I put him on child support, I really battled with myself about that. But with the baby in the NICU I didn't know what was going to happen and how he was going to be, I knew I was going to need some help. And I'm glad I went because Khalil cannot go to say care yet, and I have no one to watch him. Everyone is scared to watch him. So he is 100% responsible and still hasn't made one payment for child support. Bum. All he does is brag about being a father and buying shit, but has a son that he doesn't even acknowledge. He's such a coward.  But he will get him karma.  I've been a single mom for 10 years, don't need a nigga to take care of me or my kids. We are good and will always be good.  Ugh! I had to let that out. The crazy part is, I dont worry about Jae until someone brings something to my attention. Like why are ou posting fb statuses about me. And I don't bother him at all?! He's delusional. That's why I won't even mess with him because I don't know what lengths he would go to to keep a lie going. So I just chill and whatever happens happens....had to get that out of my system really quick. I'll be back later ❤️