All over the place......

Wellllll....... I know last time I wrote, I talked about a guy that I've know for a long time. We were going to give it a try with the whole relationship thing...... Well I guess that's not going to work. Sometimes I tend to live in a Lala land when it comes to the idea of love. I don't think clearly and logically when it comes to the opposite sex. I tend to trust everyone, but I have to realize everyone is not like me. Especially when it comes to being in a relationship. I had a nice little talk with my YOUNGER brother lol we talked about how I continue to deal with the same kind of people, and how I keep getting the same thing I've always gotten. I push really nice people to the side because they are not like the guys I'm used to. He told me it was time to do something different. I'm in such a great place in my life right now, compared to how crazy my life has been the last year, and I don't need to go back. I've been in a verbally abusive relationship, I've been cheated on repeatedly, and I always blame it on everyone else but it's me to. I have to take responsibility for allowing people to treat me that way. Ever since I broke up with my ex,  I've been constantly trying to work on myself, myself esteem, self image, everything. I was broken, and I hate to even admit that but I was. I had hit rock bottom. But luckily my family was very supportive and luckily I know that I need to be in a good place mentally for my son. He is the reason I get through everything. So now that I'm at a poit where I'm happy with myself, I feel like I'm able to share that with someone. I'm glad I took the time to be single, because I was able to find myself again. So now I'm going to be more open. And I will not set myself up like I have been doin since I was 14 years old! I know what I need and deserve and I will not accept anything less than that. I know it sounds cliche but it's true  and I mean it.  I know it seems like I'm all over the place with my emotions.... And I kind of am but as long as I dont let it get to a point where it puts me in a predicament like I was in before, I think I'll be ok. I can't help my mind goes a mile a minute.

Love it

There was this guy......

Ok, so there was this guy when I was in high school, I was in 9th grade and he was older by a couple years. He's tall, dark, and very handsome. Not only was he handsome, he made me laugh and the best part was that we were friends. We started talking, and hanging out all the time. I was really feeling him big time, well one day my mom found out how old he was and told his uncle that she did not want me over there anymore. So his uncle told me I wasn't allowed over anymore. So we stopped dealing with each other like that, but remained friends. Now I am no longer 14, I'm 26 years old, and we still talk and communicate. He doesn't live in my city anymore but we always make sure to have each other's number. When I know he is going through something I try to make sure I check up on him and when I'm going through things he does the same. I consider him to be a good friend, but everytime I'm around him I can't help to get all goofy like. I'm always cheesing, and my stomach does these little jumps. I just got to see him this past weekend after 7 years! And It was like we never missed a beat. I wasn't sure if it would be awkward, or if the feeling would of faded but it didn't. Now that we have both grown, and been in other relationships, I'm thinking maybe it's time we try it out as a couple. I know I may be risking it, but I think it's worth the risk. I think we are both mature enough that if a relationship didn't work out that we could still be friends. And besides I'm a libra and he's a Gemini, so we are like the perfect match :-) I kid I kid, but really I think it's worth pursuing. I have given these guys that have done me dirty chance after chance, questioning their love for me, shit I even questioned if they even liked me. But him we have been friends for years and we click, so now let's see if we click as more than just friends. I'll be sure to keep you updated! 💙