Acceptance

All of my life I have been the kind of person to fight to save broken relationships I've had with people. I go out of my way and go above and beyond for people to understand me. I don't like people to hate me or dislike me, I don't know if it's the libra in me or what. But this is something I have struggle with for a very long time, making myself exhausted and crazy because I want to make everything good, but in the back of my mind I know that isn't reality. Everything cant be "good" all the time, and sometimes it's not good at all. Some relationships just aren't worth saving or aren't meant to be saved.
For years I have had a not so good relationship with my mother. Every girl needs their mother, but for some reason since I was about 12 that was a relationship that went down the drain. My parents split around that time and my older brother was away in college. So it used to be just me and the little brother home. When she was working, she would work all day then come home and leave for the rest of the night. She would come in at night or more like morning, an sometimes I would have to take care of her but sometimes I got lucky and didn't have to. Some nights I had to listen to how I was a b*tch and I wasnt liked, but I always just took the verbal abuse and ignored it. I just felt like maybe one day it would stop, but of course it didn't. Then it became personal jabs even when sober, and just different treatment period. Now I am an adult, thinking that maybe that I'm older a way we can mend the relationship is by being friends, but that didn't work either. Now I just try to sit back and figure out hat happened, if it was me that did something, do I remind her of some one she hates? I'm just constantly trying to think of reasons why we don't have a mother daughter relationship like we should. We don't hug, kiss, or tell each other we love you.
I walk around as if I'm not bothered by it, but it hurts me Alot. To a point where a couple days ago I finally broke down in tears in front of my father. An he gave me great advice, not only I can use when dealing with my mom but with anyone. He said that I need to lean to accept the relationships I have with people. Whether they are goo or bad, once I learn to accept these relationships I will be able to be at peace. I get so upset because I keep trying to fix something that I know in the back of my mind won't change. Once I accept it, I'll know how to handle it, and I won't beat myself up. Be grateful for the time I was able to have with her when I was younger, because some people don't get that. If the relationship mends its self then good, but don't go around with expectations because it's a set up for disappointment. So now I am working on accepting the relationships I have with people, including my mom and my ex boyfriend(which is someone I don't want to talk about now) accepting these relationships may possibly help me a great deal.

Good night
I Love You (I figured I should start telling myself that since I don't hear it often)